I think that the art of composing thoughts and writing them coherently is being lost in the world of "soundbytes" and texting shorthand. (LOL) And I am guilty of using those things, too. I enjoy using them. But again, they help me forget that true communication, true 'communion' with friends and family, even students, can rarely be accomplished in an abbreviated fashion. And so, I have finally come up with a good idea to help myself actually blog: I have remembered that I can send a blog entry as an email and it will post on my blog. This is good, because I am logged onto my email everyday. I frequently can write a quick paragraph to the world while I'm checking other things. And while that won't exactly be high quality, thoughtful, in-depth ponderings, it will at least be something more than the status update on my Facebook account. So, I am writing this email now to both blogs that I'm a part of: mine (Life of Leinbacker) and the one Cindy and I created 2.5 years ago when we both came to Lima, Peru (Leinbach Sisters In Peru -- right now called Peru, Year Three). I will post for now simultaneously. I have been thinking that Cindy and I should consider the future of that combined blog... since it was created mostly as a way to help people connect with us as we raised support together to be missionaries here in Peru. Now, Cindy is back home in Indiana, and I am here in Peru sans soeur. (without sister)
What do you think? Should we can the combined one? Put it on hiatus for awhile? Cindy has her own blog, too. And really, hardly anyone reads these anyway, right? ;)
Is there a way that I can notify my facebook account when my blog posts? So that my fb folks can also partake in my more lengthy ponderings, should they so desire?
I don't have any deep ponderings tonight. Except that I haven't been focused very well recently. Not on what truly counts. And that's God. I've been focused on a lot of things, but shying away from digging deep with God in recent months. Why? not sure. but most likely for the same reasons that I also do when I find myself doing this: it's easier to drift away than to dig deeper; it's easier to stay at status quo than to continue to seek without knowing what one will find; it's safer to float merrily along than to catch a wave of faith, and so if i'm not talking to God about my life, then I' won't ever notice the wave of faith passing by, and won't have to make the decision to jump on.
So, instead, the waves crash over me, and I will one day come to my spiritual senses and realize that I am now under fathoms of water and am mostly drowned. And I will yank on that life vest's cord that is supposed to release an inflatable buoy and start the strobe emergency light flashing, and it won't do much good so far underwater... I'll be slowly pulled upwards through the churning current, trying NOT to take gulps of water, and all the while wondering to myself: HOW did I sink this deep without noticing?
close your eyes, count to ten, click your heels, start again... doesn't really work outside of Oz.
There are new people living with me now. One new roommate came to teach fifth grade about 6 weeks ago. The other new teacher/roommate moved in this week. They are both filled with that "new arrival" spirit of energy and strength... unpolluted by the quagmires of daily logistics that have pulled on the spirits of the "veteran" teachers. I am hopeful that having "new blood" around me will be a challenge in a GOOD and POSITIVE way- to lift me back up to where I need to be, and want to be with my Savior every day. I know that as always Satan will be waiting to use the "new" interactions for negative purposes.
So, I guess my current prayer requests would be: for unity and community to be knit around the five women living in this apartment, ranging in ages from newly graduated from college to me (now the ripe age of 36! *gasp*). That we may be blessings to each other, even when it is hard to be that. (I have forgotten, I think, what it means to be a blessing to the people I live with...) I spent a lot of time in this apartment alone for the first three months of this school year, and so having a "full house" feels a little stiffling sometimes...
And pray for a renewed sense of desire to draw near to the almighty God who has given me SO much. I read my Bible, I go to church, but I'm not putting that extra effort into inviting the Spirit to do His work in me and through me, and although I'm thanking Him daily and publicly for every way He provides for me, I'm finding myself becoming very fearful of the "Next Step" - that next thing that I will be doing in January. That thing which is as yet unknown to me. But, (and here's the kicker) I haven't spent much time asking God to show me His plan! Why not? Anxiety. Fear. What if I don't like what He shows me? Or, worse yet, and my biggest fear: what if I don't hear/see/sense/receive His plan for me at all, and end up clueless?
You'd think I'd be calmer than this, after the rest of my life. Guess this is part of the whole picking up my cross daily and following Him, eh? Faithful following of Jesus never gets easier, you just get better at choosing to trust and trusting in the "daily" part of "daily bread". *grin* Yeah, God is good, all the time. It's just all HIS time, and not ours.
Gee, so much for no big ponderings, eh? Can I just say that I LOVE youtube! (That seems very random, I know, but really it's not.) I spent an hour before starting this message going through videos of music from my past: songs I've not heard for years because they are on cassette tape (*gasp!) and they are all sitting in a shed in my parent's backyard, being alternately superheated and supercooled in the northern Indiana weather and (I'm certain) completely losing any audio integrity they had left three years ago. And it was so wonderful to here some of those songs from my middle school and high school and college spiritual life: Amy Grant's Age to Age Album, old Smitty... Rich Mullins... some early third day, jars of clay, etc etc. Since I can't bring those cassettes with me, I am thanking God for the inventions of digital media. And for people who make really awesome videos to accompany those 'old' songs!
I have a YouTube channel, btw (oops, look at that, I just did it! the shorthand!!!) BY THE WAY... I didn't actually save any of those songs to a playlist on that channel though. Oh well. I will probably go back and do that over the next couple of hours. If you so desire, you can see other blurbs of my life by visiting http://www.youtube.com/user/leinbacker and also http://www.youtube.com/user/MissLeinbach (which I use for my third graders).
Well, if you've made it through this entire blog entry, congratulations! Please feel free to comment so I know you visited. Otherwise, I will probably just envision me writing to myself... which isn't all bad, either. Since I've also slacked off in journalling, too.
Share a comment of what you thank God for when you realize you're sinking. God bless you all and thank you for your support.
Emily
